What If?


I had another experience of days with short sleep times the past weekend. My schedule was like Company Christmas Party last Friday which I arrived home around 1 am Saturday, come Saturday was our college Christmas Party/get-together plus the Body Jam auditions at night. Then followed with our Simbang Gabi opening mass act (aka singing on the first day of Simbang Gabi) where I have to wake up at 0245H for the call-time on 0330H for vocalization. The last time I had to wake up again at 0245H was yesterday since it is our turn again to sing at dawn. I only had the chance of sleeping early yesterday and I told myself that I am going to sleep long.

While waiting for sleep to totally take-over me, it took me a long time before I could put myself to rest, there are some thoughts that keeps on playing on my head. My mind kept thinking of “What Ifs” with to the love that I tried having but failed to achieve. To end the thinking moment, I decided to grab a pen and paper and wrote a poem saying some things about it.

What If?

The night is dark and I’m on my bed
There are questions that flies on my head
A lot of these need some answers
Yet I never took the time to be bothered

It constantly reminded me of some instances
Where I lost the game and lose chances
Dreaming what life would be if I had you
And how happy living life in everything I do

But I could only dream of having you
And perhaps I’m used to being blue
What if I hold you in my arms?
Would it be enough to keep you warm?

But I’m too tired playing the same game
My feelings isn’t enough to keep the flame
Then finally I can’t stop the tears
Never knew I’ll experience this fear

But I had to let my feelings die
Down in one corner while I cry
It’s not worth fighting the feelings I have
Working for the elusive feeling called “LOVE”


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